What If

Open criticism and public exposure of weakness is a time-honored tradition of medical training. I was a beneficiary of that style of "education" this morning. And, honestly, it makes me wonder what in the hell I was thinking when I went to medical school.

I don't know if this happens to people on other career paths (if it does, let me know!), but I find myself pondering fairly frequently what I would have done if I hadn't gone into medicine. I'm not the only one who thinks like this. My mother is a physician, and even as a child, I remember her telling me all the other things she could have done. And now that I am in the midst of my training, each and every one of my co-residents has a list of "What Ifs" as well.

In medicine, you end up on a career express highway with no exits and no alternate routes. I will end up a medical specialist because my training is applicable to nothing else. You start to feel a little trapped on this road, perpetually on the bottom rung of the hierarchic ladder, being weighed down by both monetary debt and a sense of obligation.

I am one of those people who calculated lifestyle into my specialty-choice equation. I am not a doctor, I work as a doctor. This is a crucial difference. There are way too many other awesome things in life that I refuse to let go. I think most young residents like me have a long list of doubts and What Ifs written in size 72 font across their minds.

In college, my dream was to write for Scientific American. I wanted to take scientific and biologic concepts and write about them in an interesting, accessible way for a general audience. As I've become more narrowly educated, my What If list has drifted further and further from my sharpened pencil tip of knowledge. Now, I think I'd like to do pieces for Spin Magazine or Rolling Stone instead, interviewing artists and writing reviews of new bands, concerts, tours, and albums. (Wouldn't that be awesome!?!)

Or, I'd open a bakery. How can you not be happy surrounded by cookies and cupcakes? I make homemade ice cream sandwiches that are to die for (if I say so myself). I've laid in bed at night dreaming up drool-inducing new cookie/ice cream combinations. (Or maybe waffle/ice cream, rice krispie/ice cream, etc.)

Here are a few What Ifs belonging to my medical friends:
Landscape architect
Songwriter/music producer/musician
Interior decorator
Comedy writer for 30Rock
Proud owner of a specialty pen store
Carpenter
Lead guitarist/vocalist
Mystery novelist

Speaking of my dream to become fat and happy in the kitchen. . . I refuse to anything remotely medically related tonight. Now, I am going to go bake a friend's birthday cake. (Carrot, with cream cheese frosting!)